Have you ever second guess yourself? Wondered why you said yes and at the last minute, thought it would have been in your best interest to say no? Have you ever second guessed your outfit? Maybe it was too bright for the occasion or too sexy for the crowd. How about your relationships? You’re ready to commit but are they as serious as you are? Should you hold back or should you let love take the wheel? Are you doing the right things as a parent? Working out and eating the right way in order to meet your goals? What about life’s decisions, is it the right time to move out of state? Leave your job or get that divorce?
How do we know the decisions we’ve made won’t leave us with regrets or in a worse position than where we started?
Unfortunately we’ve been conditioned to not trust ourselves. As children, especially in Caribbean culture, our parents rarely let us make our own decisions, freedom to choose our own outfits, what we want to eat and even how we express ourselves is governed by our parents and elders. This subconsciously stifles not only our innate creativity, but our ability to trust that what we do is right without the approval of another. Might I add there is a difference between guidance and dictatorship.
This programming goes even further into religious settings. We are taught in the church for example, that we are born in sin, led to believe we are worthless and retched. We are rewarded for repressing our natural desires and feelings that do not align with being a good christian. We may be no older than 16 at this point and we’ve already aligned ourselves with insecurity, repressed sexuality and fear. We finally reach adulthood and are left to make “adult decisions” without knowing what we truly want and who we truly are. We have developed a false sense of self at this point, and although it is easy to put on a front to others, we cannot escape the void filled with confusion within.
So how do we break free from the mask of uncertainty and fear of doing the wrong thing?
The first thing is to begin making self honoring decisions. A self honoring decision is a choice that aligns with your highest good which includes your values, priorities and well being. Your decision must not prioritize society's expectations or your peers' approval but should rather, feel good to your soul. Whenever I have a big decision to make, whether it be letting someone take up space in my life or leaving a job, I always ask myself the following questions. What are my values/beliefs around this topic (be it relationships or finances)? Does it align with my values? How will I feel after making this decision and how will it benefit my own well being? Am I willing to take a risk, compromise or is my cup full enough to pour into another? Is a boundary I have set in place for myself being crossed? What is this situation trying to teach me about myself?
With these questions thoroughly answered we are able to regain our confidence and trust in self. We must begin releasing the need for external validation and seek validation within ourselves first and only This is the first step to self love and rebuilding trust in oneself.
I do not believe there are wrong decisions in life. Although many heartaches and pain could have been avoided if we chose the latter, these experiences were needed to help us see what we truly value and also what we lack. No matter the decision you make, you will rise or you will learn so you have the muscle to rise soon after. So in the end, there is no wrong way to go, there is only the courage needed to trust yourself and rediscover the adventure and beauty of life.
Never forget that you are a child of the divine, a unique expression in this world who’s breath of life is all the permission you need to live a life that feels good to you.